Author Archives: gelman

True Feelings

A woman told me a story about her mother calling and asking if there was time to get together.  The daughter does not enjoy time with her mother, but did not know how to avoid making a commitment.  When she told me she said she needed to check her calendar, she smiled.  When I asked her how she felt about getting together with her mother, she smiled.  She smiled when she allowed herself to feel the truth: she did not want to be with her mother.  Unfortunately, she still does not know how to avoid being with her.  She feels guilty.

I wish she could see the smile on her face when she allows herself to experience the dislike she has toward her parent.  It is more pleasant than the frown she has when she is with her.

In the Genes

Went to two soccer games on Saturday for Isaac and Ari.  The whole family decided to go out for lunch together.  Isaac rode with Carrie and me.  As we pulled into the restaurant parking lot, two cars were backing out.  I waited for one and pulled into the space.  As we got out of the car, Isaac and I both said, “One of us should stand in the other space so that Mommy and Daddy have a place to park.”  Simultaneously, we said the same line.

Genetics.  It is wonderful.

An Evening With The Boys

My dear friends Ken and Pauline invited me, Isaac and Ari over for dinner.  They had sparkling cider for the boys, wine for us.  We all drank out of wine glasses.  During dinner, the conversation had a political theme at times and I wondered if the boys were bored.  After dinner, Ken invited to boys to his music room.  Ken is a wonderful guitarist.  They went and Pauline and I chatted with a background of guitar music from upstairs.  I later discovered that Isaac and Ari had played electric guitar and ukulele.

I was so appreciative that we each had an environment that was enriching and enjoyable.

It is nice to share our interests.


It is difficult to be with someone who you believe is using too much medication.  It is certainly a subject that has caused a good deal of concern.  When working with clients who are trying to encourage someone they love to use less medication for pain, I find much frustration is felt.  There are only two people who can address how much medication is used: the doctor and the patient.  Most doctors are reducing use because they have to.  It is their decision what to prescribe and attention is being paid by pharmacies.  Hopefully the patient follows the prescribed amount.  But the friend or relative has no power, and that can be a difficult situation because all that can be done is offer an opinion and provide support and care.


When I moved to California six years ago, my daughter Carrie, bought me a birthday gift of a ticket to a local theater.  She and I went and loved it.  I subsequently got season tickets and have gone to every play.

Good friends ended up getting tickets and the four of us meet for lunch and go together.  I treasure my time with these people.  It is another example of why I chose to move here.

The time with my kids is so rewarding.  A true highlight.

Down Time

I like to be busy.  Between seeing clients and attending meetings, I have a very full week.  I do manage to fit a breakfast or lunch with a friend into my schedule about once a week.

On the weekend, I like having a day to myself.  I watch movies on my t.v.   I will sit for 45 minutes, pause the film and take a break.  I am accountable to no one.  My break may last one minute. It may last ten.  I may decide the film is not worth continuing.

I eat when I feel like it.  I call friends or family.  I play games on the computer.

Free time.  Nice.


My grandson’s Bar Mitzvah was this weekend.  Lots of family came to town.  Many I have not seen in years.  We spent a lot of time together.  It was delightful sharing memories and updates in our lives.  There was no awkwardness or stress.  Some of the pairings could have been so.

When there is a celebration and everyone chooses to be involved and interact in a positive way, it is a treat.

I must admit that I would not have wanted to do this for another day.

The timing, four days, sufficed.

Rituals with Friends

I go to the gym three times a week.  I am there at 5:50 am.  Every two weeks, two friends meet me for breakfast at 7 am on Monday.  We go to the same restaurant, with the same waiter, and I always order the same thing.  They diversify a bit.

We catch up on events and experiences.  I discovered last week that one of them had the same surgery I will be having which is an unusual one.  Who knew?

I love these two women.  It is of such value for all of us to be together, that they, in particular, make the sacrifice to meet so early to accommodate my work schedule.

Similar values mean a lot.

Dear Sandy

Sandy is a dear friend of mine.  She has had two knees and a hip replaced.  She walks with a cane mostly.  Yesterday we went to a street fair and she used her walker.  The fact that she agrees to participate in events like this says much about her; she avoids nothing.

As we walked, I was so appreciative of the space people gave her.  The fair was very crowded, and people stepped aside to accommodate her.  She had no expectations and is very patient.  We walked, we explored vendors, we bought a couple of things.  And then we decided it was time to go.  She was in pain and I was ready to leave.  We typically have similar timing.

Aging with a friend.

I did it

Since I moved to California, I have had my car washed in one of two ways: my ex took it to a car wash, or my grandsons did it when they were staying over.  My ex is gone and my grandsons are coming over for dinner tonight with their parents, which did not feel like good timing to request help,

So, I did it myself.  I dragged the hose, filled the bucket, got the clothes.  I began the spray to wet the car all over and discovered the wind was not blowing in my favor.  I ended up misted, head to toe.  Not to be deterred, I changed direction and proceeded.

Guess what, Isaac and Ari?  It was fun!